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“There are two ways
of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
Edith Wharton,
American novelist
Nature or Nurture?
Are children naturally generous and giving? Probably no more so than they're born greedy
and selfish. The heart, like the mind,
has a lot of learning to do before it matures.
Infants form strong emotional bonds to their caregivers and, as their
needs are satisfied, begin to match their own moods to their loved ones'. This physiological "matching" is
the first baby step on the path to true empathy – the ability to put oneself in
another's shoes and truly be concerned about some other person's welfare.
Self or Selfish?
You've taken your darling toddler to play group and watch in
horror as suddenly she turns into a monster, snatching a toy away from another
and screaming "It's Mine!"
Fear not. Your daughter is taking
an important social-emotional step:
self-assertion. Hand-in-hand
with learning how to share with and care for others goes developing a sense of
self Simply put, "self" is a
prerequisite of "selfless."
Through imaginative play children act out fantasies and in
so doing start to develop empathy for others.
A child plays 'king' and banishes the 'prince' from the castle,
imagining both the king's great power but also how the cast-out prince
feels. Whether playing alone or with
another, the child has instigated a social interaction. Increasingly child psychologists are seeing
an important connection between positive pretend play in early childhood and
the ability to get along socially later in life.
Through cooperative play, children learn to work
together. Whether it's planning a tea
party, playing a board game, or building a block castle, they take turns,
share, and interact as a social team.
Parents
Baby see, baby do.
Parents are a baby's first and most favorite playmates and
playthings. From birth, kids are ready
to play. Songs, rhymes, peek-a-boo, and finger plays are simple social
interactions that are stimulating, soothing, and fun for both parent and child.
Playmates
Babies love babies.
Sit two 6 month olds together and they'll reach out to touch each
other. By 18 months it's important that
children spend time with age-mates even if all they're doing is playing beside
rather than with one another. By age 3
children begin to interact and, while still possessive, start to share their
toys. By age 4 they're real social
butterflies, engaging others in fantasies, playing games and taking turns. By
age 5 children begin to form real friendships.
By school-age kids can feel true empathy, not just for close friends and
family but others less fortunate.
Playthings
Toys are important tools for children as they act out their
feelings and their fantasies and ready themselves for human society. For babies, begin with mirrors and cuddly
soft animals and rag dolls. Toddlers, as
they start to role-play, need dolls, kitchen sets, doctor kits, cars and trucks and other
realistic playthings. Preschoolers can
use props for their make-believe, like dress-up clothes, puppets, and people
play sets, and multi-player games and toys.
School-age children benefit from activities such as crafts and games
that they can share with their friends as well as solitary activities that enhance
their confidence, competence and sense of independence.
What's in a gift?
Think back. We know
you can recall one very special gift you received as a youngster – and from
whom you received it! Be it the
chemistry set your scientist father brought back from a business trip or the
porcelain piggy bank from your best friend, you enjoyed and still cherish the
gift because of the giver. Likewise, you
remember with pleasure gifts that you've given, made all that more special by
the joy of the recipients!
What does a child learn from giving?
Gift giving helps children develop empathy by imagining
someone else’s desires and needs. Little
ones assume their wants are shared by their loved ones and may offer Mom or Dad
a favorite stuffed toy. As children
grow socially, their gift giving extends to playmates and siblings. It is important at this stage to involve the
child in the process, from considering what the other may like, to selecting,
wrapping, and presenting the gift. By
school age, children are ready to practice true charity – giving beyond their
own circle and to the needy.
What does a child learn from receiving?
Receiving comes
naturally to children as that's how they're born into this world. Sincere appreciation and the social skill of expressing
thanks are what children must learn.
When Baby hands you her stuffed toy, do you cradle and kiss it – or cast
it away? The day after do you gather up
and exchange your child's presents? Or
do you say, "What wonderful gifts from your friends!"
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